Paying For My Sins

For the world to see,

I live a life, 

Centered around people,

Who mean nothing to me.

Waking up daily,

though is a pain,

as I rumble out of bed,

for another treacherous day.

Walking down on road,

Taking drags of my neatly rolled joint,

I puff the smoke out,

Counting the sorrow that it contains.

There is a monster inside me,

That wants to scream,

Only to be surrogated,

To its never-ending need.

Cuts and slits,

On its soul,

I find it hard to ignore them,

For they give me a haunting feeling,

Which is hard to explain.

Locked inside,

Is also a boy,

Who rejects to grow up,

For his life has been a hell throughout,

And he wants to fight no more.

Tears dropping out his soul,

He slides in the corner, looking for remorse.

I get high on that joint,

And I see a girl,

Torn and ripped apart, 

She sits silently in one corner of my heart,

Naked and exhausted.

She has no identity,

She has no name,

She has no connection with me,

Yet, she lives there!

But I do not feel sorry for her,

For maybe she deserves the dark she is fixed into,

Repeating one particular act- scratching the walls of my heart,

She is dying a slow death.

Then there are memories, 

Of yesterday and yesteryear,

stitched with the thread of time,

Pinching like salt on an open wound.

As I crack my fingers,

And strive hard to live between people, 

These genomics inside me,

Have got their own time to serve.

For the world to see,

I live a life, 

Centered around people – also the ones inside me,

Who mean nothing to me.

There are strangers,

in front of me,

Who would lock their eyes on my body,

Asking me, questioning me, rejecting me,

For them, I am a piece of rotten meat,

To be served to animals.

What they do not know,

Is about this monster and the boy that lives in me,

And the girl who is a paranoid, 

As I walk more,

I realize,

We all pay for our sins here….

May be I am paying mine!