Final Words -II

Juggling through the thoughts that are made of different layers, faces, emotions and expectations; today I agree to what they say; we all get only one life and we all ‘get’ love only once! But that doesn't mean that we can’t love more than once!

Similar to the scenario, I came across a note that was lying on the wet grass while I was sitting in a park late night, smoking the puffs away to make sure that my heavy eyes are not seen by many. As I picked it up and scrolled my eyes through it I recalled the moment when I wrote my last note i.e. ‘Final Words’ to my lover, over a year back, and to my amusement here it was – a note by a lover; supposedly ‘Final Words’ that he had written for his lover but chose not to send it to her, just like I could not…

“So here we are exchanging emails now (I am doing it your way) for, friends don’t do it (as you call me that). Friends talk!

Friends sit with each other and wipe out the frowns and tell each other what and how things are not how they should be. Anyhow, considering (or knowing) how comfortably you are not that comfortable with me, here I am – writing to you, and just like you; in no sequence or order.

You say we cannot be together because we come from different worlds, but never have you you told me what those different worlds are? I have tried nothing to be that I cannot be or I am not comfortable with for anyone – (might sound rude- BUT NOT EVEN FOR THE ONE I LOVE THE MOST IN MY LIFE). We cannot walk into each other’s world just like that – well I don’t know how as a friend I would be able to do it then, or how you think that being just a friend I would be able to do. We would still meet as two people, still go for coffee, still sit at home, still whine and cry about life, still have expectations of human and still respect each other – if all these has to happen even as a friend – than I need to walk into your world (that you need to tell me what it is) and you in mine, which has no explanation but – that it is a simple thing called life.

You wrote that you don’t want me to be a part of your life which is full of tension and so on; well so is mine – so here again I fail to understand how different your world is from mine and how differently you breathe then me? And to my surprise, there is a new soul to look at now, and for you it seems right – only difference is you chose someone else above me.

Every time that I hugged you, every time that I held you, every time that I saw you smiling at me, I knew I was almost there to have my room, I was scared – and guess what. the fear has just arrived here all loaded – and with this new name that soothes you now, I go out of the frame.

I am who I like to be. Someone who loves you unconditionally and I am sure you would agree, I never asked back for the same, so you telling me that you are not ready and ignoring me, and suddenly now calling your name with someone else amuses me, disappointed is the last word though.

God will not help me in coming out of this futile love with you (as per you) because I don’t talk to him like you, I don’t relate to him like you, I don’t see him like you. So I guess better answer would be, may your God help you in keeping things right in life, family, career and move on from your past, which now seems you have.

I have just tried to be honest in this note, but that always went un-noticed to you, so I won’t be sending it to you, but would lay it on the streets for someone to pick it up and understand; that he is not alone.”

As I finished reading it, I could murmur only one line – Sooner or later we all have to run our races, some result in rejoice and some end with sorrows.

Signing off!