We go through constructional and at times destructive phases of life and by phases I don’t mean the age factor. What I mean is the mental status that one restructures all through his/her life. Countless, is the number of times that I have had to hear it from people that some sun signs are like this and some sun sings are like that and it defines one’s personality and their behavioral aptitude.
But is it even close to being real?
We cross check and most of the times the answers contain the elements of mystery that we have been trying not to face; welcome to the misery of life!!
At times it becomes hard to hold on to your confidence, your belief on yourself goes grey, and brain does work but only to generate emptiness. At times we just need a hand, a shoulder and wish it was made out of loneliness covering miles, so that no one could see you crying and screaming, wherein only feeling would be that of your sweat on your neck killing the mental strength and u acknowledging its efforts. And then I am bamboozled by the self created question again – sitting alone in that room that cover miles of loneliness…are we really alone? Or are we there to make the numbers.
I would not see any and that told me that I am there vouching to take it all out alone, but then – life has surprises doesn’t it?
As and when I closed my eyes, I saw few blurry images which were hauling as if they are repenting the loss of someone they loved, someone they cherished and someone they did not want to let go. However, was it someone or something – that is what I wanted to know and this time – I just got lucky!
What we don’t see when trying to is when we miss but our imaginations are stronger than visuals and my journey to my loneliness and sit somewhere unseen was my visualization and now I could see hundreds of me, thousands of me and then countless was what I could count.
Not content with work, money we earn, amount of love we are deprived of and jealous to someone else were few normal norms but mine was just a little different. I wanted to be understood, I wanted to be talked to, I wanted to drive through the country sides and not wonder how I am going to eat my lunch next day, I wanted to see those flowers bloom every spring and say I will see you again, I wanted a hand not when I wanted – but always….
And hence, I become different to this crowd. So to solve my irony I opened my eyes and this is when I am alone – for I deny being a part of hundreds and thousand, for my tears are not for amalgamation but to flow with purity….
Copyright@ Sandeep Verma
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